Depression. Good relationships are crucial when you struggle.
Depression is a nightmare. No one who’s ever really struggled with it would say otherwise.
Let’s pretend we’re looking at this table, taking in this scrumptious setting. (I dearly love chocolate croissants.)
What would we talk about, I wonder? I’d like to know more about you. I would love to know what your favorite food is. Do you like to cook? What about activities? What are your favorite ones? Do you like to read? If so, what books do you recommend? Are you married? Children? So many things. It would be so much fun.
Relationships
Relationships are all around us. We can’t avoid being in relationships with others. So it behooves us to know how to do it.
Getting to know people is something I enjoy, and I love it when people surprise me. I have a neighbor who’s lived next door for a number of years now, but we never really got to know each other. A few years ago, that changed after we had a conversation that lasted longer than five minutes. But I didn’t expect to like her as much as I do.
And yet, I couldn’t like her any more than if I’d handpicked her to move next door. To say we are different is an understatement. However, she is one of the kindest and most genuine people I’ve ever met. She makes me laugh, too, like the other day when she asked if we could get together for coffee and “witty banter.” Or when she tells me my tomatoes look “happy.”
Relationships are important.
The focus of my newest book is how we navigate and maintain relationships. I’m working hard to get the e-book edition out by Smashwords’ annual summer sale. It was only supposed to be a short little e-book, maybe 20,000 words, but once I got started, it just kind of blossomed into a larger book.
Relationships and Depression
Having good relationships is extremely important if you struggle with depression or anxiety. Good relationships with family and friends provide a bulwark we can turn to. As you know, I’ve been focusing on summer depression. This is my final post in this series, although certainly not my final post about mental health struggles, so I thought I would use an expert from my first book, Depression Has a Big Voice. Make Yours Bigger!
IF WE WERE HAVING COFFEE
There is no temptation (trial) that you are facing that has not been faced by others. But God is faithful and will not let you be tried or tested beyond what you are capable of handling with his help.
—1 Corinthians 10:13 (my paraphrase)
I wish we could have coffee because I would love to talk with each of you over a steaming latte. I mean that sincerely. How I wish we could do that. I would love to get to know you, your struggles, triumphs, and, most importantly, your stories.
If you told me you were struggling with depression and had no idea why, I would get it. I would get it if you told me all was right between you and God. I would get it because I’ve been there and because, as I write today, I find myself skirting the edge of the pit. But this is as close as I’m going to get. I learned to stay away from where I fell in.
So, I am putting into practice all the things that I know are right for me, like getting out of bed, making the bed, wearing nice clothes, doing my hair, and having quiet time with God. I’m staying very busy. I’m writing. (And, of course, that could be a large part. You try writing about depression day in and day out.) If you asked for my help today, here’s what I would say to you:
- Please believe me. You will get through this. Millions of others have
- You are stronger than you think you are. If you’re feeling particularly weak right now, that doesn’t mean you are. This is actually when you are the strongest. Why? Because God is showering extra grace on you.
“And he has said to me, My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness … for when I am weak, then I am strong” (2 Corinthians 12:9–11).
- Keep moving. Don’t give in to lethargy. I know how hard that is. Do something today you can feel good about tonight, knowing you haven’t wasted the day.
- Talk to a trusted friend. It doesn’t have to be in person, and if you don’t want to talk about your depression, just tell them you need prayer.
- Stay in the spirit of prayer. Continuously focus on God. Give every negative thought to Him. On second thought, give all your thoughts to Him.
- Rest. I know, right? I just told you to stay busy, but there are times when you might need to stop and relax for an hour or so. Just make sure your thoughts rest as well.
If we were having coffee …
- I would pray with you.
- Certainly, I would let you know you are not less of a person or Christian because you are depressed.
- I would let you know that God is with you in this battle
- Finally, I would cry as I hear your pain shouting through your words.
This is the same advice I give myself. I have written that something always triggers our depression, and we need to know what that is. But sometimes, we search and search and simply can’t figure it out. Don’t worry about it for now. You will eventually figure it out. Ask God to search your heart and your anxious thoughts. (Psalm 139: 23 & 24)
I would tell you that depression is often triggered by fear. Fear of losing someone you love, being alone, or fearing the unknown. And let’s face it. We all fear those things. It’s normal. But it doesn’t have to push us into depression’s pit. Fear is a normal emotion.
“You are going to get better” is what I’d say if we were having coffee.
What would you say to me if we were having coffee?
God bless and have a great and safe weekend.
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