Let go of the past through genuine forgiveness.
Table of Contents
- Counseling: A Way to heal the past
- Counseling in general
- A new person in Christ
- Where forgiveness comes in
- Run your own race.
- Review
- Call To Action
Counseling: A Way to heal the past
Some people have a hard time moving into the future. They park in the past and try as they might to move forward; they can’t. The past keeps them looking backward, and they stay stuck in the same spot. This struggle to break free from the past can manifest in various ways, affecting their relationships, careers, and overall fulfillment. It’s as if the memories and experiences of the past create an invisible force that holds them back. Overcoming this challenge often requires a conscious effort to acknowledge the influence of the past while actively seeking ways to build a more forward-thinking mindset.
I was talking to a young woman I love very much. She has been in counseling for about a year. I know her situation well, having been an intimate part of her life. She even lived with us for a few months during a particularly tumultuous time in her life.
A new approach to healing past wounds
Her counselor has suggested something called brainspotting. It’s rather new, a little gimmicky, but possibly worthwhile. I am not against secular counseling, but I think it should always be partnered with Bible counseling. Rather than making this a traditional post, I will write it as a letter to this young woman. This way, it will be more personal, and you can read it as a letter to yourself.
Dear ………
I’m glad you want my feedback on this technique your counselor wants to use with you. While it seems to be a valid approach because of its holistic nature, there is more to consider. It can be traumatic and bring up lots of memories you may have forgotten. I would not agree to this without learning more about it and without having someone available for support. Ask a lot of questions. But first, let me discuss counseling in general so you know where I stand.
Counseling in general
Yes, counseling is worthwhile, even for Christians. We are all complex beings. The Apostle Paul, of all people, admits to it himself. “What I want to do, I don’t, and what I don’t want to do, I do…..” (Romans 7:17) There is no way to separate the mind from the body. There is also no way to separate the past from our present.
The Bible teaches that the old has passed away, and we are new creatures in Christ. (2 Corinthians 5: 17). But this verse doesn’t say that because we are new creatures, the past has no part of us. Some Christians simplify it way too much. I will suggest the people who say they are not the same people, meaning they are completely different people with new personalities, are not in touch with themselves.
When we become new creatures in Christ, our personalities don’t change. There is no such example in the New Testament. It’s our spirit, our souls, and our inner lives that become new. We still face the same struggles. We know that’s true because the New Testament’s focus for Christians is to how to live this new life. There would be no reason for that if there were still no struggles, old habits, old sins, and temptations to contend with.
How the mind is addressed in Scripture
Furthermore, Scripture states that we are to examine ourselves. Sometimes, it’s safer to do that in the presence of someone else. We all need a shoulder to lean on at times. The Bible states we are to bear each other’s burdens when appropriate. Counseling is one of those ways we let someone else bear our burdens by sharing our story with them.
Here are some Bible references you can read about REFLECTION .
- Lamentations 3:40Jeremiah tells the people of Jerusalem to examine their ways, test them, and return to the Lord
- Psalm 139:23-24 asks God to help with self-examination, testing anxious thoughts, and looking for ways we sabotage ourselves.
But is there a point when we move on from our past?
I believe there is. I think of the apostle Peter. Was there a point when he had to let his past go so he could move on with Christ? Yes, there was. And Peter did one of the worst things we can imagine. He denied Christ. Not once, not twice, but three times! That’s a lot of history to get over.
It’s worse than what you or I have experienced. But, of course, it’s hard to compare experiences. We’re all pretty sure that what we’ve experienced is worse than anyone else. But the Bible teaches in 1 Corinthians 3:19 that we don’t go through anything that isn’t common to mankind.
I take that to mean that in the course of history, there has never been a trial, a pain or heartbreak that more than one person hasn’t struggled with. We know that’s true because life is amazingly consistent and predictable. We like to think our situation is unique. The circumstances may be, but the pain isn’t.
A new person in Christ
When the Bible talks about being a new person in Christ, it doesn’t mean that we automatically become that new person. It also doesn’t mean that being that new person means no more struggles. If it did, that would mean we wouldn’t experience a lot of pain, physical, emotional, mental, or any, as Christians. And we know that’s not true either. Most of the disciples, for example, died horrific deaths. There wouldn’t be a group of people called Christian martyrs, either.
There’s a difference between going through something with faith or without it. Being a new person gives us faith to confront our past and move on. But moving on means forgiving those who’ve hurt us.
Where forgiveness comes in
I’m suggesting that it’s fine to continue your therapy sessions. As fast as brainspotting, I’m not sure. I guess you’ll have to do your own research. But I do know this:
Without forgiving those who have harmed you in the past, no matter what kind of counseling you get, you will not move ahead. Too many people think that hanging on to the past harms their perpetrator(s). The truth is, you are only hurting yourself. When you dwell on the past, you make yourself a victim all over again. And particularly so if you dwell on the person who hurt you. You give them the power to hurt you in the future as well.
Don’t you want to be free of that prison?
There is a reason we are instructed to forgive others. And it has nothing to do with the “other” and everything to do with us. God loves us and wants to experience the same joy Christ did. As long we nurse our wounds and hang onto the garbage of the past, we cannot experience joy.
Sure, we can have some good days when circumstances are good. Everyone can. But real joy means experiencing a sense of peace in the worst circumstances. Don’t give others power to hurt you. But let’s be clear about some things.
Forgiving the past is not absolution.
When you forgive, you do not absolve. This is important to realize; otherwise, you might think I am suggesting you are supposed to accept the hurt some afflicted on you. Never.
But only God absolves anyone from their sins. You are not saying that what they did was OK. But you are saying that what they did no longer needs to determine how you feel. It’s a profound realization that lets you release the burden of carrying their actions with you. By forgiving, you are freeing yourself from the grip of resentment and anger and creating space for healing and growth. Forgiveness doesn’t excuse their behavior, but it liberates you from the chains of bitterness, offering the possibility of peace and renewal.
Letting go of the past is difficult
Also, when you forgive, depending on what you are forgiving, that won’t necessarily mean you cut someone out of your life completely. It might be necessary for a period, but it’s not always a natural result of forgetting the past. Forgiveness can be a difficult and complex process, often involving a range of emotions and a varying timeline for healing. You may have to set boundaries or take time apart to reflect and heal individually. It can also lead to a deeper understanding and a stronger relationship in the long run.
When we let go of the past, it doesn’t mean the past won’t still impact us in the present and the future. Our experiences and memories shape who we are, and they often influence our actions and decisions. The past shapes us. We can’t deny that. But it doesn’t have to define us.
We do that by learning from the past and moving forward through forgiveness. However, by acknowledging the influence of the past, we empower ourselves to make conscious choices about how we respond to its pull. Philippians 3:13 provides profound wisdom, encouraging us to “forget the past, and look forward to the future.” We embrace the present moment and move forward with hope and determination. In doing so, we can navigate life’s challenges with resilience and optimism, shaping our own path for the future.
Run your own race.
Anyone in a race knows that the last thing you want to do is look back. If you hope to win, don’t look at who’s coming up behind you. Whether you look back or not, the past will be there, so why look back? Every day is truly a new beginning filled with endless possibilities waiting to be explored. Embrace the present moment. Focus on the path ahead. Doing this enables us to make the most of each opportunity that comes our way. It’s about setting our sights on the future. We must learn from the past. We should take confident strides toward our goals without being weighed down by unnecessary distractions or doubts.
But forgetting is not the same as ignoring.
You can’t separate yourself from your past. And shouldn’t. We should learn from our past. But here’s the thing……….
That person you need to forgive might have a history you’re unaware of. It’s often the case that we don’t fully understand the experiences others have been through. While we can try to empathize and see things from their perspective, it’s impossible to truly walk in another’s shoes and understand what they’ve experience. Understanding the complexities of people’s pasts can help us approach forgiveness with empathy and openness.
That person who’s hurt you may not have had any idea just how much they did. Should you tell them? That depends. It depends on whether or not they will hear you. I mean, hear you. If past experiences with them show they won’t, then you only have one choice. No matter how hard you try, you can’t make a non-receptive person receptive.
It’s also important to consider your own emotional well-being in this situation. Sometimes, expressing your feelings, even if the other person doesn’t fully understand, can be a helpful step towards your own healing. It’s okay to prioritize your own peace of mind and seek closure on your terms. This could involve speaking to the person who hurt you or finding solace within yourself.
Forgive anyway.
It’s crucial to strive for resolution in any situation, particularly when conflicts arise. However, some individuals make it challenging to reach a mutual agreement due to their obstinate nature and lack of self-awareness. This can be frustrating for those involved. Communication may be hindered by the other party’s unwillingness to acknowledge their behaviors. They could also be unwilling to consider alternative perspectives. Despite the difficulties, exploring various approaches to address such scenarios is important. This can be done through open dialogue, mediation, or seeking support from impartial third parties.
Have I made any of this clear? Let’s review a few things to ensure we are on the same page. K?
Review
Counseling can be very helpful for a wide range of issues, including stress, anxiety, depression, and relationship difficulties. Seeking support from a professional can provide valuable insights and coping strategies to improve your overall well-being. There is no shame in seeking help, as it demonstrates strength and a proactive approach to mental health.
Of course, we should be in prayer first and seek spiritual healing. But sometimes spiritual healing requires mind-healing as well. And that’s where counseling is an added resource.
Believers in Christ do not need to feel ashamed either to seek help. God heals in many different ways. We never have a problem when seeking a doctor for any illness from the neck down. And with the neck up, as long as it’s only our eyes, nose, throat, brain, etc., we have no problem. But our mind is a different matter. Somehow, we think we should heal that one on our own. Counseling is a form of healing.
However, when a counselor suggests something unusual and not well-researched, like brain spotting, take some time to research the subject… Consider your options carefully. Doing your homework and gathering information can help you decide the best action for your mental health and well-being.
Call To Action
Let the past go.
Especially the hurt. But remember, it’s still a part of you, and more than likely, even the painful parts can make you a better, stronger person in the future. And better yet, you can learn to NOT do to others what has been done to you. The Golden Rule works in reverse, too. It’s important to embrace the lessons that the past has taught us. They can serve as valuable stepping stones for personal growth and resilience.
Reflecting on our experiences, both positive and negative, helps us develop empathy. It aids in understanding towards others. This reflection fosters a sense of compassion and kindness. Despite the challenges we may have faced, they can serve as catalysts for positive change in our lives. They can also positively impact those around us. Remember, every experience, no matter how difficult, contributes to the tapestry of our character. They also provide an opportunity for us to cultivate empathy and wisdom.
I’ve been there. I know what it’s like to be stuck in the past. I, too, sought counseling. And it helped. But until I learned to forgive, I didn’t move ahead. That’s why God tells us to forgive–so we can move forward and become all He wants us to be. If we continue to dwell on the past, our future will allude us. I took way too long to figure this out. Learn from me.
Remember, everyone has a story.
That person who hurt you? They have a story as well. It is really true that hurting people hurt other people. So remember that. But It’s not a justification for anything. Remember, understanding someone’s story does not mean excusing harmful behavior. It’s important to acknowledge the impact of actions while recognizing the complex factors contributing to people’s actions. Seeking legal recourse can be a way to hold individuals accountable for their actions. It can also protect yourself and others from harm. In some cases, compassion and consequences can go hand in hand. This creates a path toward healing and justice for everyone involved.
Forgive.
Easier said than done. But show some grace. You might need it yourself someday because guess what? You are going to need forgiveness in the future as well. It’s essential to cultivate a mindset of forgiveness not only towards others but also towards yourself.
Practicing forgiveness opens the door to inner peace and emotional healing. Remember, everyone makes mistakes, and understanding this truth can foster empathy and compassion. Instead of holding onto grudges and resentments, choose to offer forgiveness and free yourself from the burden of negativity. Embrace the power of forgiveness, for it has the potential to transform relationships and bring about profound personal growth.
God bless you, and you know I am praying for you as always.
