this white woman can’t jump

Ok, by now you know I’m recovering from foot surgery.  You also know this isn’t my first go-around.

So I have a best friend who is an OTA (occupational therapy assistant). I asked her to come over and help me with walking on crutches. You should also know I borrowed two walkers, a knee scooter and then the crutches. covering all my bases.

Ours is a two-story home, not exactly convenient. I wanted to be on the main floor most of the time. So where is the problem, you ask?

Well, this is a one hundred year old home and when an addition was constructed, instead of making the new floor level with the old there are two steps from the entryway, bathroom, laundry room area into the main living room area. Did you get the part about the bathroom?

If I’m on the main floor, there’s the bathroom accessibility problem. So I asked my friend to help me figure out how to get up and down those two steps with crutches. Easy, peasy, right?

You know when you see those people getting ready to jump out of airplanes for a free fall and the just can’t do it? Or when someone’s thinking about jumping off a diving board into a pool? Well, that is me.

jumping off a cliff
jumping off a cliff

I’m not kidding you. I COULD NOT jump onto that first step. No matter how much I wanted to. And getting down those two steps? Not on your life.

kids on crutches
kids on crutches

The crutches were in place. I was holding them correctly and everything. But do you think I could make that jump? NOPE. It was like my foot was glued to the floor.

I mean kids can do it. I can’t. Am I weird or something or just totally uncoordinated?

Before you think I’m really weird, remember I can’t put any weight on the foot in the “Skywalker” brace.

lovely "stormtrooper" brace
lovely “stormtrooper” brace

Nada. Nothing.

You try and jump from a standing still position up a step. I mean deer can do it but I can’t. I can jump just not UP a step.

Go try it. Try jumping up to a step on one foot. Or NOT.

Anyway, we laughed and laughed. This is one set of steps I’ll be going down on my butt.

going down the steps
going down the steps

There has to be something to laugh about because every time I move my foot, it’s like a knife is being plunged into my ankle.

After that macabre statement, God bless and YOU have a good day.