I’m still in the random writing mode. That’s because I can’t really concentrate right now even though I’m still working on my series about growth.
But it occurs to me that the series might be outdated before I ever publish it. At least for me.
Why?
Because for right now life is “growing’ me all by itself. The situation with my mom continues to deteriorate at a fast pace. Some days I’m hopeful her demise is not as serious as it is. But most days I know it is.
And yet I just wrote about hope last week and I’ve written often about how I hate the phrase, “It is what it is.” I remind myself (and others who are probably getting annoyed with me) that God can do more than we can even imagine. That would mean that not only are the prayers I know to pray for my mom honored, even those I can’t imagine praying are being honored as well.
So I feel somewhat “suspended” today between faith and reality and trying to figure out how to juxtapose one on the other.
This afternoon I concentrated on the reality part and got up to speed about my mom’s current issues with her circadian rhythms. She is confusing dreams with reality. I worry that she is afraid and that makes me want to cry.
What can I do? I’ve exhausted my brain trying to come up with the next solution. The research I did today was hard reading. Many people are dealing with this dreadful illness.
Last night I had to wake up my husband because he was having a terrible nightmare.
Then my mom called me at 6:30 am and was very confused.
At that point, I just got up. My husband got up as well and I asked him about his nightmare. He told me he was fighting off a bear that was attacking me.
I felt so protected and one certainly doesn’t have to be an Einstein to figure out where all this is coming from. He’s worried about me.
So all that was the reality part. What about faith? Did it play a part?
Of course it did. All day. Every moment.
- The fact I could function.
- The fact that I got up and went about my day.
- The fact that I cooked a meal, did the laundry, etc.
- The fact that I didn’t curl up in a ball.
Faith isn’t a feeling. Faith is a condition of the soul and it is well with my soul.
I think we followers of Jesus really do a job on ourselves at times.
I know I do.
Sometimes I’m harder on me than God himself. But there are probably other times, I’m too easy on myself. Oh, I know:
I don’t know what you’re dealing with but I hope you’re doing OK. Life can be really hard sometimes, can’t it? At the same time, life can be wonderful.
It’s cloudy one day and sunny the next. I would prefer sunny but if that were the case, I might not appreciate it as much. Like sunshine in Florida.
I am one hundred percent sure that those of us in Michigan appreciate sunny days far more than those in Florida. We have so fewer of them at this time of year.
When my husband and I were in Mexico on vacation, we would wake up every day and say to each other, “Oh, no, not another beautiful, sunny day!”
How I hope your day is good today and I hope these latest posts aren’t bringing you down. I’m hoping for just the opposite.
God bless each of you.
