Why I was terrified Tuesday night

Ten o’clock P.M.

I walked into the room, saw the machine and was scared.

One of my worst nightmares was right in front of me but it wasn’t a nightmare.

This was all too “Oh, my gosh this is really happening” real.

“I don’t know if I can do this,” I said , somewhat embarrassed.

“Sure you can,” the pleasant young tech said.

“I’m not so sure,” I heard myself say in a trembling voice.

Have you figured it out yet?

It was the dreaded MRI.

MRI

I have always known I would NEVER be able to have an MRI because I am claustrophobic.

Early that morning I read had read Psalm 91:5 & 6:

You will not fear the terror by night ( that big ole’ tube).

I thought of that.

I had also read in Mark about the miracles Jesus performed

I thought about that.

I lay down on the table, my heart just ‘apounding.

“I’m still not sure I can do this”, I said in a shaky voice.

Then comes the zinger. The remark that made all the difference.

“You know you’re going to be able to still see the room, don’t you?”

“What do you mean?” My hopes were getting up.

“Well, if you turn your eyes you will be able to see the light and the ceiling and parts of the room.”

“Really?”

“Yep”, he said.

“OK then. Let’s get this over.”

So the machine took me in feet first and just like he said, I could see the ceiling and parts of the room.

He told me they were starting. (By the way, at our hospital you are on the table with feet going in first. I couldn’t have done it any other way. Be sure to ask for this if you need an MRI.)

But then the machine moved me in a few more inches.

“HE LIED!“, I thought and started to panic.

But I opened my eyes and sure enough if I turned my eyes sideways (not my head, because you are not allowed to move), I could see the lights, the ceiling, etc.

I relaxed and it was over soon.

I still didn’t like it but as long as I was able to see the ceiling and not just the top of the tube, I was fine.

So as a Christian, should I have been totally unafraid? Why didn’t “perfect love casts out all fear” work for me? (I John 4:18)

That verse is almost always taken out of context. It specifically applies to our fear of loving others. Read the surrounding verses for more clarification.

But what about all the other sections of the bible that deal with fear?

trusting God

Almost without exception, they are in reference to very specific situations. But what about our personal fears?

Is it ever OK for a Christian to be afraid?

Well, I would hope so. We better fear walking alone at night in unsafe areas and other examples such as this.

I think the bible makes it clear that God understands our fears which is why he offers us good advice throughout scripture about how to handle it. I want to be like Peter. I want to try to walk on water even if I start to sink. That beats not trying at all.

There is no verse in scripture that condemns us for our fear. There is no verse that tells us that we face our fears only once and then they’re gone. We deal with our fears continuously. Some we put to rest but then others show up. It’s part of being human.

I asked friends and family to pray for me.

They prayed

I prayed.

I faced it.

God delivered just in time while I was trusting him every step of the way.

Would I have been able to continue had I not been able to see some of the room?

I don’t know.

To me it’s not important.

What is important is that I tried even while I was  afraid.  It’s not fears that should be the focus, it’s what we do with that fear. Facing our fears is usually a good thing regardless if we’re successful.

I’m glad it’s over. I’m glad it’s a fear I can now put to rest. I’m glad I always admit to my fear. It means I experience God’s rescue in a greater way than if I just tried to ignore it.

God bless and have a good day.