You’re going to think I’m nuts.
I’ve been telling about my first novel. I’ve promised you would receive a free copy.
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But God had other plans.
I’ve been slavishly working every day finishing it up. The first time I submitted it, Amazon politely informed me there were spelling errors. How was that possible? I used spell check and the Grammarly app all the time. So I did indeed find spelling errors. I fixed them and then I submitted it again. My husband bought the book and then he informs me there are errors. What? What was happening?
I sent the book to my daughter who is an editor but because she works full-time and has two little boys, one with Down syndrome, I didn’t think it was right to ask her to edit all of it. So she looked at the first thirty pages and it was not good. So, once again, I unpublished it. Thank goodness I had not publicized it at all. And, thank goodness, I used a pseudonym.
I got up the next morning to work on it again but had to leave for an appointment. And, honestly it seemed like the original errors were having babies. They seemed to be multiplying like rabbits. It was crazy.
God said, STOP!
Before I tell you what happened next. let me share a few things with you.
How God speaks
I understand how God speaks through his word, through prayer, through circumstances, and through people. I believe that when I ask for direction, God eventually answers. I’ve had so many answers to prayers over my life. In fact, now that I think about it, I wish I had been keeping track.
How God spoke
I was in the car and had just pulled into the parking lot when I heard, (not audibly, of course), “Don’t publish it now. I mean, just like that. I had immediate confirmation in my heart. I called my husband, and he was in agreement as well. It’s always good to get confirmation in a situation like this.
But I had questions
But, of course, that brought up lots of questions. Had I been ignoring God’s voice? Had He been trying to get my attention? To be honest, I don’t know. I just know that when He did get my attention, I listened. Had I really not been hearing God or was it more than that?
Proverbs 3: 5-6 “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths.”
Lessons learned
I’m not all sure why God directed me to stop.. But I’m as sure of it as I am my own name. I’ve had a long history with God and I’ve learned that STOP means STOP. I still haven’t quite figured out why right now and not a few weeks earlier but I have some clues.
And, it’s a really good book, if I say so myself. I love the characters, the plot line, everything about it. But I also know those mistakes told me something. Maybe, I wasn’t giving it my best. I never want to give God anything but my best.
Do I feel I wasted my time these last few weeks? Not at all. I’ve learned so much past year about what the writing life entails and what it should entail. I need to regroup, reorganize, and think through what the next year will look like.
God is always watching out for us. There is something here I know I need to learn. And God will make it clear when the time is right. When He does, I will let you know. Maybe, I’ll never know. That’s OK, too. Because I will still feel good that I was obedient.
Now, that I’m not working on the book, I will have more time to post. Hmmm, could that be it? I’ve certainly been neglecting it this past month.
Maybe this is why.
Is there someone reading my posts that needs encouragement? Is this why God spoke so clearly? I never even thought once about not finishing the book in time for Christmas. This was right out of the blue. In fact, I don’t think there has been a time when God diverted my attention so unexpectedly.
Christmas is hard for a lot of people. Especially those that struggle with depression and anxiety. It’s hard to watch other people smiling and laughing and making plans for celebrations and feel like you are the most lonesome person in the world. I’ve been there even when surrounded by family and friends
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I can remember many Christmases when I felt so out of place and miserable. I forced myself to pretend i was OK. It was miserable. Here I was surrounded by family and yet felt so lonely. It was terrible. I knew everyone else was having a
But I’m here today, many years later, telling you, you can have victory. God doesn’t want anyone feeling that way. He is near and He promises if WE draw near to Him, He will draw near to us. (James 4:8) And drawing near to God means that you listen to Him through His word and through your prayer time. It means letting Him call the shots. And, trust me on this one, if you are truly listening, you WILL hear Him. Just like I did.
You may not like what you hear. I really wanted my second book published this year. I wanted to share it with all of you as my Christmas present to my followers. But that isn’t going to happen. and that makes me sad because I love giving presents.
But God knew best. And I trust Him.
God bless you if you are struggling emotionally this Christmas season.
