It’s been two days and I’m still crying
Boy, I can’t believe the tears. I can’t believe one little kitten’s death could so devastate me. I feel somewhat ashamed. I am certainly surprised by the depth of feeling. We only had him six months.
But the house is so quiet. I can remember feeling this way when we became empty nesters all in what felt like a moment. We would visit our kids at school and cry all the way home. Even though it’s been years, I still get choked up when I leave them.
I’ve decided I really, really hate loss and sadness. Wouldn’t it be great if we could just cry for a day and it would all be over because our memories would be wiped clean? There would be no memories so there would be no pain.
And yet, memories are what keep us going even in the pain. Memories are what grow us into better people. Without memories, our loved ones might just as well have not existed.
And there are some of us who simply feel more pain. Period.
I ask myself, “Did we love him too much?” “Should we have held back a little?”
And are there some of us who simply feel more pain?
I’m finding out I’m one of those and I don’t like it very much. I give my heart wholeheartedly and I often wished I didn’t. I wish I were one of those stronger people who just handle the ups and downs of life better. But I’m not and I don’t.
I’m trying hard today to accept this quivering mass of emotions that is me.
I think of my dear friend who has lost her husband and her two sisters in the last ten years and I wonder how she did it. I think of another friend who lost her husband and her mother (both totally unexpected) in a twenty-four hour period. How did she ever do it?
I think of those parents who’ve lost children especially to violence and my heart breaks.
I criticize myself for feeling this kitten’s loss so deeply, What’s wrong with me, I ask?
Oh, I know I’ll survive this. What choice do I have? I’ve always felt that pain gives impetus to change if we allow it. And that means we have to feel it.
God bless and I hope you have a good day.
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Following Him
Oh my, don’t feel ashamed. I feel bad for throwing another poem on you, but I think this kind of sums up what I’m trying to say:
“Sadness is great but love is greater.
Pain from loss is a side effect of love;
Memories hurt now but will be treasured later
Recollections will last until meeting above.”
From “When You Love” https://followinghimbesidestillwaters.wordpress.com/2017/07/16/when-you-love/ ) The grief you feel now shows just how much you loved, and you loved a lot. 🙂 There were several feral cats around here that had liters of kittens many years ago and there were quite a few that didn’t make it past kittenhood. It tore my heart to pieces.
I believe that Rambo will be waiting for you. After I lost one of my cats in 2012, my vet’s office sent me this in the mail; I hope it also brings comfort to you.
The Rainbow Bridge
There is a bridge connecting Heaven and Earth. It is called the Rainbow Bridge because of its many colors. Just this side of the Rainbow Bridge there is a land of meadows, hills, and valleys with lush green grass.
When a beloved pet dies, the pet goes to this place. There is always food and water and warm spring weather. The old and frail animals are young again. They play all day with each other in the meadows.
There is only one thing missing. They are not with their special person who loved them so dearly on Earth. So, each day, they run and play until the day comes when one of them suddenly stops playing and looks up! The nose twitches, the ears are up, the eyes are staring intently, and this one runs from the group.
You have been seen, and when you and your special friend meet, you take him or her in your arms and embrace like never before! Your face is kissed again and again and again and you look once more into the eyes of your trusting pet. Then you cross the Rainbow Bridge together, never to be separated again.