People Confuse Me. Is That a Weird Title?

People confuse me.

I’m someone who likes to figure out people. I want them to make sense. I certainly don’t mean that they can’t step outside their normal behavior — we all do. But I want their overall behavior to squarely align with their actions. When it doesn’t, I get confused. And then I feel guilty, because I feel like I’m judging them.

people confuse me

But am I?

There’s a difference between judging someone and simply reading them. Judging says, “I have decided what kind of person you are, and I’ve rendered my verdict.” But noticing — really noticing — that someone’s words don’t match their actions, that their kindness feels conditional, that something is off? That’s not a verdict. That’s just paying attention.

We’ve been so conditioned to avoid the appearance of judgment that we’ve started silencing something that might actually be protecting us. We second-guess our own instincts. We talk ourselves out of what we clearly see. And then we feel guilty for having seen it at all.

But guilt assumes wrongdoing. And noticing isn’t wrongdoing.

So where’s the line? How do we know when discernment becomes judgment? I think the answer isn’t found in silencing ourselves — it’s found in where we take what we notice.

Scripture doesn’t leave us without guidance here. The book of James instructs us to be discerning. And Jesus himself told his disciples to be wise as serpents and harmless as doves (Matthew 10:16). The “wise” part meant being sharp in navigating dangerous situations — careful, but not naive. The “harmless as doves” meant never using what you see as a weapon against someone. So the standard isn’t blindness. It’s wisdom without harm.

We live in such a gray world that we’re afraid to admit even discernment, for fear of being labeled judgmental. But there’s a Christian middle — and it’s worth finding.

It’s OK to be honest — with yourself.

When people confuse us, disappoint us, or cause us to lose faith in them, we can admit that to ourselves. We don’t have to perform certainty we don’t feel or loyalty we’ve lost. What we do need to do is be careful where we take it.

Bring it to God. That’s the safest place. When we lay our confusion and disappointment before Him, we’re far less likely to lay it before anyone else. And that’s what keeps discernment from becoming gossip — and wisdom from becoming weaponry.

red stop sign against cloudy sky

When something feels off, and you sense danger, heed it. That quiet awareness isn’t paranoia. It isn’t judgment. It might just be the Holy Spirit doing exactly what He promised — guiding you into all truth (John 16:13).

Here’s some more references:

I John 4:1

I Thessalonians 5:21-22

Colossians 1:9

James 1:5

Before you go, sit with these:

  • Think of a time you confused noticing with judging. What did guilt cost you in that moment?
  • Is there someone or a situation you’ve been dismissing your instincts about? What would it look like to bring that to God instead of pushing it down?
  • Where in your life do you need more of the serpent’s wisdom — and where do you need more of the dove’s gentleness?

God bless, and have a good day.

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Rebecca
Hi. I'm so glad you're here. My blog focuses on faith and mental health issues such as mood disorders like depression, anxiety, and dysthymia (chronic low moods that don't qualify as depression.) I post DIY and decorating projects when I can. My book, "Depression Has A Big Voice. Make Yours Bigger! (Expanded Edition), is on sale at all online retailers. I have a Psychology degree and post-graduate courses in Clinical Pastoral Education. I am a former hospital chaplain, Bible teacher, and retreat/conference inspirational speaker. Thank you for visiting and may you feel God's presence today.
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