A Trip South to Escape
How did your week go?
I have been out-of-town.
In Arkansas to be exact. It’s where my parents and my brother and I were born. My cousins live in Arkansas and Tennessee.
My parents took us south every summer and my heart would break when we left. I loved my grandparents, my aunts and uncles, and my cousins and hated to say goodbye. Two weeks were never enough.
My husband and I left for our trip five days after my mother died. I needed to get some distance. Plus, my mom loved Arkansas. I wanted to travel down the gravel roads and think of my mom living there as a young girl. I went to the cemetery to visit my Grandparents’ gravesites as well as the others who’ve passed on.
I thought about how life was back then and the experiences my mom might have had. I thought about the beautiful young woman she became. I knew she would be glad I had gone back to the place she loved the most.
It was hard and yet it was comforting to travel some of the same roads and to see my grandparent’s house now. It’s a shack. Come to think of it, it was then, too.  My grandparents were basically sharecroppers. They never owned a car, a house, or had life insurance. I don’t think they ever had air-conditioning either, which if you’ve ever been to Arkansas in the summer, you’d wonder how they survived.
But Reality Set In
I knew when I came home reality would set in.
It did.
I still don’t believe she’s gone. My life and all my decisions have centered around her for years and now there is this huge void. I don’t know what to do. I”ve stayed busy but somehow that seems “cold” of me. I find myself falling apart throughout the day but then I pull myself together and get moving again.
I have the time now to do what I want when I want and yet, I don’t want.Â
Does that make sense?
But I have plans for the rest of the week. There’s gardening to do. We are having trees removed and some deck renovation is underway. When I was south my cousin and I went to “carport” sales, that’s the southern version of “garage sales”. I found some interesting pieces that I have plans to paint, etc.
Here’s an original watercolor picture I found at a thrift shop in Paragould, Arkansas for three dollars. I can’t wait to get reframed. Whoever this Ranulph Bye is, he is very, very good.
Grieving is hard work. But it’s part of life. I will miss my mom acutely for quite a long time. But I’m so glad I loved her enough to miss her this much.
God bless and I hope you have a good day.
