Depression Is Multi-Faceted

Depression is a life-altering, joy-sucking feeling. It makes you tired or wired. You sleep too much or not enough. You eat too much or not enough. It’s about extremes, and people manifest symptoms as unique as their personalities. (I apologize for reposting this from yesterday. I accidentally published it before it was done.)

I had many Christmases when I didn’t want to get out of bed. I did, of course, because I didn’t have a choice; there was family to take care of, and that incentive worked for me. It doesn’t work for everyone. As a child, I hated Christmas because it was never anything less than “angry”. So naturally, I carried that with me into adulthood.

Writing about it now, it seems as though it never happened; that I never struggled with depression. But I did, and I have the journals to prove it. When I read them now, it’s like I’m having to push away heavy drapes to see myself as I was then. It seems like a lifetime ago. (Which I am glad it does.)

Many years ago, I found my way out of the darkness, which is why I wrote my first book, Depression Has a Big Voice. Make Yours Bigger! I wanted to share the lessons I’d learned, hoping others would find their way out as well. I’ve received a lot of feedback indicating that many did.

But Depression Is Manageable

There are so many nuances to depression, but most people can get better if they’re willing to put in the hard work. And I do mean HARD work. It’s much harder to crawl out of depression than it is to fall into it.

We fall into depression, mostly because we are not aware of our thoughts, which is where most depression begins. (Yes, some depressions are caused by medication and illness, but most are not. Even then, though, the way out is the same. )

I share this with you today because, as I was looking over some posts, I found this one. It made me sad to read it because my mom has since died. She died almost eight years ago, so obviously this is an old post. But I remember how my heart used to ache for her.

Depression overwhelmed her. My mom was not really a fighter when it came to herself. As I look back, I wonder if she thought she didn’t deserve happiness.

I share this post with you because I know that not everybody is looking forward to the Holidays. Certainly not if they are struggling with depression. I wanted you to know that someone gets it. I get it, as a former victim myself, and as an observer of those I love who’ve struggled with this.

Giving up: My Mother’s Story of depression

“The post today was going to be about the importance of planning for fun and how we shouldn’t let life’s problems rob us of our joy in living. It was going to be about my day spent with friends, attending a Christmas bazaar, going out to lunch, and browsing some consignment shops. That’s what it was going to be about.

But I would have been a hypocrite because the very thing I was going to tell you we shouldn’t do, I allowed to happen to me. But when I tell you why, I think you’ll understand.

Someone I love very much is giving up her desire to live. No, she isn’t terminal. No, there’s no medical condition to account for this. But there is a condition. It’s the focus of this blog. She suffers from depression, and I do mean suffer. All my life, I’ve watched her go in and out of depression. Even as young as thirty, she was having emotional swings. I remember her moods.  I remember feeling responsible for her unhappiness. I still do.

I give myself good advice gleaned from hundreds of books that all say the same thing. Like:

• We can’t make anyone want to live. 
• We can’t make anyone happy. 
• We can’t give anyone purpose or motivation to seek help. The truth is, there isn’t anything much we can do.

I hate that.  

I would give anything if none of this were true. I’m a great rescuer. Instead, I listen, and my mind frantically searches for something to say that might help, knowing there’s nothing I haven’t said at some point over these past years. Here’s the sad part.

I know how she feels. I remember such a time myself. A time I didn’t want to go on either. When I think about all I would’ve missed, who I would have missed, I wonder how I ever could think that way. But I did. Let’s face it; it’s hard to remember that kind of emotional pain. Besides, who wants to? So if I remember feeling that way, how can I judge her? 

Maybe sometimes we have to be as far down in the pit as we can before we feel desperate enough to claw our way to the top. But some people have battled depression for so long; they simply have no strength left for the climb up. Others, by their very nature, are fighters.

She isn’t.

I am.

Maybe that’s the only difference between her and me.”

So What Now?

The thinking around depression has changed greatly over the years. At first, antidepressants were routinely prescribed as the first line of defense. Not so much anymore. Most medical professionals suggest counseling first, and perhaps combined with medication.

Doctors also recognize the importance of daily physical activity. In my first book, I included an appendix with lots of what I call, Distraction Ideas. It is available as a download on my blog here. You can find it in the menu. Also, you can download the book for free. Some of it seems silly to someone who is struggling with depression. And I know that. But I also know it works.

While depression is a complex illness, it responds to very simple interventions. It’s not that these distractions are a cure. They’re not. But what they do is take our minds off ourselves for a while, and because they do, we feel some relief. Once we feel relief, we feel hope. And hope is what tells us we can manage this.

(Please contact me privately at foxrap@aol.com if you need prayer. I will never share your name or contact you unless requested. Use any name you want. I take prayer requests very seriously. It helps to know someone is praying for you.)

God bless.