Why a small spiritual victory can be really big
Table of Contents
- Spiritual victories can be major.
- A spiritual victory in the making
- A dilemma
- Don’t put your spiritual health in jeopardy
Spiritual victories can be major.
A couple of days ago, I mentioned sharing what I consider a major spiritual victory in my life. For some of you, it may seem trivial. For me, it was huge. It was the day God won the argument.
A little background. There was a time when I entertained a lot. I enjoyed it. We opened our home for all kinds of functions and even held Sunday school classes in our home while our new church was built. One time we opened our home at Christmas for three days in a row and invited the entire church. In case you’re wondering, it wasn’t a small church.
As our family grew and matured, life got really busy. While I had female friends over quite often, I no longer invited people over for dinner. I got out of the habit.
After a while, the desire just kind of faded. I still had relatives and long-time friends over. Then we changed churches, and because my husband started traveling and was gone two weeks each month, we didn’t have a chance to meet other couples. When he was home, we had way too much to do to entertain, and we didn’t know any other couples anyway.
Depression took its toll.
Then there was depression, which you can read about in a lot of places on this blog by either searching for the word or clicking on “depression” on the header menu. This took its toll on my spiritual self-confidence.
Back to the present. I’d been praying about my goals for 2015. One of them turned out to be that I needed to get over some of my insecurities. I needed to get over thinking my house had to be in perfect order before I invited anyone over. Well, I should have known God was going to put me to the test.
He did.
Right out of the blue and when I least expected it.
A spiritual victory in the making
We had run into a certain couple a week before. My husband grew up in the same neighborhood as my husband and went to school with him and his wife. I had been in an art class with his wife and would always stop and talk to her when I saw her. On this particular occasion, she mentioned, “Hey, let’s get together for lunch.”
We exchanged phone numbers, and in a few days, we had a date set for lunch for the four of us.
A few days later, I was furiously rearranging some things in the dining room that I just couldn’t get the way I wanted and also trying to gather things together for another upcoming foot surgery. The house was a mess, and there were things in various forms of disarray throughout. I’m always multi-tasking. I glanced out the window and saw my husband talking to two people in the driveway.
A dilemma
I didn’t have my glasses on, so I thought it was a couple of his friends who had stopped by and didn’t think any more about it. About ten minutes later, when I went back to the dining room and looked out, they were still there. I was curious, so this time, I put on my glasses to see who it was.
Oh, my gosh! It was the same above-mentioned couple.
What to do? What to do? I was like the rabbit in Alice in Wonderland.
I knew God was allowing me to be tested. It was obvious.
Excuses
“But God”, I said. “The house is a mess. You can’t really expect to invite her in. I’m trying to get things done before surgery.”
As I’m saying this, I’m literally running from one room to another, straightening things up as well as I can, tucking things under things, throwing things in drawers, and hiding things in the laundry room. And all the time, God and I are having this conversation- no argument.
“No, God. I can not do this now. I promise I’ll do it, but just not now!
I came so close to disobeying. It scares me to think I could be so deliberately disobedient.
Giving in
Then I found myself walking to the door and saying, “Hi Mary, (not her name), I didn’t realize it was you. Come on in. I’ll put some hot water on. Do you drink tea?” At this point, I’m just kind of blabbering, I’m so nervous. But I actually sounded like I did this all the time.
Was this really coming out of my mouth so effortlessly? What was I doing? I knew I was going to have a nervous breakdown over this. All this is going on as she comes into the house.
It went well
We talked for about an hour and had an absolutely terrific conversation. Then the “hubbies” came in, and the conversation continued. All this time, I’ve been really self-conscious. What is she thinking about our house? I’ll bet she’s rich. I know she lives in a really nice house. She probably thinks my old farmhouse is awful. What does she think of my decorating? She probably thinks it’s lame.
Really. I am not exaggerating any of this. I was really nervous. They stayed for at least ninety minutes, and the four of us had a really nice conversation. We really liked them, and when we had lunch a few days later, we enjoyed them even more.
So, where am I going with all this?
Don’t put your spiritual health in jeopardy
Obedience matters
First of all, when God makes something clear, we put our spiritual health in jeopardy if we don’t obey. Not that we would lose our standing with God, but that we open ourselves to all kinds of attacks from the enemy. It is these kinds of “openings” that Satan uses to insinuate himself into our conscience, into those places where doubt and fear live. It’s an open door.
We do it to ourselves more times than not. Then, God just allows us to deal with the natural consequences of our disobedience. For me, it would have been the berating I would do to myself for weeks. God’s discipline wouldn’t have been anything as severe as what I’d do to myself.
Being real
Secondly, what is the matter with us (me, more than most) that we can’t just be who we are? Why do we (me, more than most) get so hung up on comparisons and feel so insecure about such things? And why are we (especially me) so self-conscious?
Here’s the funny part: No one would ever consider me insecure or self-conscious. I seem so confident about things, and I am confident about many things. But when it comes to entertaining on the spot, I quiver like jello. (My husband says he can never understand it.)
The aftermath
After this couple left, my husband turned to me in a state of shock.
“You can’t believe I did that, can you?” I asked.
“No, I can’t. My mouth dropped when you invited her in”, he said.
I responded, “Well, it’s about time I got over it. Besides, God gave me no peace.”
Do you know how good it feels to have been obedient in something so frightening? Here’s something funny: I’ve spoken in front of hundreds with nary an extra heartbeat. I’m fearless about lots of things, but entertaining on the spot throws me for a loop.
I know why. It goes back to childhood, and it’s not important to share. What is important is that there are some fears we just have to get beyond. It doesn’t mean we won’t still be fearful in those same circumstances, but that we know we can get past it. I will never be truly comfortable with entertaining, especially if it involves cooking. (That’s another thing I’ll tell you about later.)
Most of you would probably consider this a small thing, certainly not a spiritual victory, but I felt good that I let God propel me through it. The rest of that day, I sensed an overwhelming sense of “rightness.” Does that make any sense?
Anyway, I hope this helps anyone who has an insecurity that is keeping them from moving on with their lives.
If you let God in on it, He’ll get you to that place where you will have the opportunity to move forward in your faith. It might well be out of the blue, when and how you least expect it. Just be ready!
God bless, and I hope you have a good day.
