What to do on a really tough day

Today is a tough day.

It’s my mom’s birthday. She died two months ago. I am going to visit the cemetery and wish her Happy Birthday. I’ve been dreading this moment. I had so hoped she would make it to this day but I didn’t want her to suffer either.

So what am I doing to do to get through the day?

Well, first I’m going to cry, probably a lot. I bought her a card yesterday. At first, it was going to be a birthday card but I settled on a “Miss You” card.

Also, I haven’t been feeling well since she died. Surprise, huh? I have IBS and have had my entire life and it’s flaring up big time now. When I was younger, I would go on a baby food diet. If it doesn’t get better, I may think about it again. I’ve tried probiotics, the yogurt, giving up coffee, etc. Nothing is working.

Did you know that serotonin is produced in the gut? So if I can’t get things to call down I may actually consider a mild anti-depressant for a short while. That will be after fifteen years of being pill-free. Many medications are used for other than the usual protocol. For example, anti[-depressants are often used for an IBS flare. You can check it out here.

So there’s that.

So how am I going to spend the day? How should you if you’re having a day like this?

I will have my devotions shortly and remind myself that God understands how I”m feeling and will provide a way escape (I Corinthians 10:13) as he always. has.

I will remind myself that death is as much a part of life as life, that I will get through this. (As I write this, I’m not buying my own rhetoric. Isn’t it crazy how we can know something in our heads, and yet we experience it completely differently? I wish my heart would hurry up to catch up.)

I will take my walk.

Because the cemetery is close to a couple of thrift stores, I may check them out.

I might read on the deck under the pergola my husband and built a few years ago.

pergolaAs I write that really sounds good, iced tea, a good book and just maybe a nap outside. In other words, I plan to be very good to myself.

Sometimes that’s exactly what we should do.

It’s not selfish.

It’s not self-serving.

It’s survival.

God bless and have a good day.

ps. Tomorrow I’m going to tell you about a book that I can say is the best book I’ve ever read.